Chapter 27

"I don't get it, so she told you that you'd have all the benefits of a shifted wolf, but you won't be able to shift?" King asked incredulously, his face conveying how hard he was finding it hard to believe me. I nodded my head, still reeling from what Nyx had told me. I'd stayed in the forest for an hour or so before going back to the small, three-bedroom cabin we called home. Thanks to the cash Beth gave us and from King, we were able to rent the cabin. It was in a secluded area in the forest and offered us privacy. Of course, it wasn't a permanent dwelling, but it was a start. "It doesn't make any sense," Raven whispered, looking at as if she could figure out what the hell was happening. "I know," I sighed. "But that's what she told me." "Can you feel her? Are you able to communicate with her?" This from King. "Yes, but that's the extent of it." What Nyx told kept playing in my mind. I was so confused that a headache had begun working its way from the back of my head. Most of all, I was just disappointed. Disappointed that nothing had gone the way I'd expected and hoped for. I never imagined that when I turned twenty-one, I would be banished, accused of a crI didn't commit, pregnant, detested by the father of my baby, and unable to shift. Everything was just piling up on me, trying to suffocate me. Sometimes it was hard to keep my head above water, and that's what it feels like since that night months ago. Like I was struggling to keep myself from drowning. "She didn't say anything else?" Raven's question pulled back from my thoughts. "No... Only that I wasn't ready to shift, that I should focus on getting better and stronger, and that one. day everything will make sense," I replied, feeling all around drained. "Interesting." King whispered, but left it at that. I wanted to sleep and forget what a cluster f**k my life had turned into, but even sleep didn't easily. Not when I was hunted by the nightmares that plagued me. The nightmare I went through when I was in that dungeon. Raven must have sensed my tiredness because she asked, "You want to rest?" I just nodded my head, even though I dreaded closing my eyes. "You know I can help with that, right?" she asked. "With what?" "Sleep," she replied. "I know you don't sleep peacefully; I know that nightmares hunt you every you try to sleep. You're barely surviving with only two or three hours of sleep every day, Sadie." "How did you know about the nightmares?" "You wake up screaming, and sometimes it takes both of us to calm you down. You barely register us every because you always look like you're in a trance. Like your mind is still trapped in the nightmare.” I turned to King, since he's the one who answered. My eyes kept shifting from him to Raven. I never wanted them to know what I was going through, but I guess I wasn't hiding it well enough. I didn't even know that I woke up screaming. "I can cast a spell that will put you out cold. Nothing will be able to disturb your sleep." Raven holds. my hand softly, and I can't help but be grateful that she found that day. I don't know where I would be if it weren't for Beth and her. "Okay," I said softly, after thinking about it for a while. Raven is right. I couldn't go on running low on sleep. It wasn't healthy for or my baby. I couldn't let myself wither away when my child depended on and needed me. She started chanting, and sooner than I'd anticipated, my eyes started dropping. I fell into a dreamless sleep, and it was peaceful. It's the best one I've had in a long time. Two months later I moved the vacuum slowly over the carpet. For weird reason, the noise drowned the ones in my head. It distracted enough that I didn't think, something for which I was thankful. My head is a mess and I admit that. It's not a place I like getting lost in, but it happens more than I care to admit. More than is healthy for me. In my defense, it's hard for not to think or get lost in my thoughts. I have nothing to do, given that King and Rave take care of everything. Even getting them to agree to let vacuum the house was a chore. I know what you're thinking- that I'm ungrateful and sound like a brat. I am not. I just wanted to help. I wanted to be useful. I'm not used to having others cater to every one of my needs. Besides, keeping busy is good for me. I don't want to be drowned in the darkness. I'm trying to escape the dark thoughts that filled my head and the coldness that seemed to seep slowly into my heart. I don't want to forget the old me, but slowly I feel like I'm losing grip on her. "Would it be so bad to let go of the old Sadie?" Nyx asked, popping into my consciousness. It took a while to get used to sharing my body with her, but eventually, it got easier. "Yes" "Why?" She seemed genuinely curious. "I mean, I don't want to coff as cold and heartless, but the old you was nice. Too nice, in fact. Haven't you ever heard of the saying, Nice girls finish last? Let's face it, Sadie, you were weak and didn't have a backbone. That's why you were an easy target for whoever set you up." I wanted to argue with her, but I could also see the truth in her words. I was always nice, even to those who treated like trash. I was nice to Alec, even when he treated like I didn't exist. Even for the girls who bullied and talked trash about how I dressed, how fat I was, and how ugly I was, I still went out of my way to be nice to them. When anyone in the pack needed help, I would be the first to volunteer to help. I was kind to everyone, and where the hell did that get me? In the f**g dungeon, being tortured while the sf**g people I went out of my way to help turned on me. Thinking about it just p**s off even more. The anger and hatred I feel feeds the darkness and coldness that are growing inside. "You need to cast out that nice attitude if you want to survive what's coming. I'm not saying that you should be completely heartless, but you can balance being kind and having a backbone. Be strong-willed and never ever let anyone walk all over you," Nyx pushes a mental image of what she means. I get it, and I was about to tell her the when I felt liquid rushing down my legs. "Did you just pee on yourself?" I looked up to find King looking at in disgust. "No, you idiot, her water just broke," Raven replied while hitting him on the back of his head. I've been feeling cramps since yesterday, but I kept ignoring the discomfort. Looking back now, I should have known it was a sign that I was about to go into labor. "Come, let's get you comfortable," Raven said softly, guiding to my bedroom. We've already talked about this. We decided I wouldn't give birth in the hospital since it was too risky. Luckily, Raven knew what she was doing, having helped Beth deliver a few babies. She helped lie down on the bed, and after that, things happened so quickly that my head was left. spinning. "Con, Sadie, give one last push," Raven pleaded, hours later. "I can't. It's too painful, and I'm tired." I couldn't help the tears that fell down my face. "You can, and you will, now push, Sadie, so I can meet my pup... or do you want Alec to win because our child died during labor?" Nyx's frustration was evident. Remembering how Alec almost killed and my baby gives strength. I won't let my baby die, nor will I let Alec have the last laugh. I planted my legs on the bed, rose up a little, and gave one last push. I feel as my baby slips from within and seconds later, I hear the sweet cry of my baby. "It's a girl," Raven shouted in happiness and joy. I slumped against the pillows just as the door opened and King walked in. He headed straight towards me. "You did well, Mama" he said while kissing my sweaty forehead. 1 cried at that because if things had been different, Alec was the one who should have been here with me. Seeing this, King whispered, “Shh, it's okay. It will be okay." "Here is your little angel." Raven walked to and handed my crying baby girl. She immediately stopped crying when she was in my hand. She looked exactly like ran my finger down her cheek, making her open her eyes. I gasp when she does, because she has the sin tense green eyes as her father. "What are you going to her?" Raven asked. After thinking for a while, I said the I'd decided on, if it was a girl. "Aspen...She's my Aspen." "A beautiful for a beautiful girl," King said, kissing her forehead so tenderly that it made want to cry. I looked at my friends and am so glad that they are here with me. That I wasn't alone as I delivered the best gift the moon goddess has ever given me. "Now that our pup has been safely delivered, the real work begins." Nyx sald, staring adoringly at our baby' through my eyes. "You have to start training... An intense one at that. You have to be prepared for what's coming." I didn't know what her last sentence Sight. I meant, but she was right. I had an daughter to protect and look after. It was to get strong. After all, I couldn't hide forever.