Chapter 46

I didn't understand why he was so shocked. It's not like he had never seen a wolf shift before. In fact, he had helped some of our pack members shift when their time came. It felt different being in this form. Unlike the other forms where Nyx and I shared control, in our wolf form, Nyx was more dominant, and I was relegated to her consciousness. Using the little strength we had, Nyx pushed us up, and we stood on wobbly legs. It felt different and weird being on four feet instead of two. Everything was much sharper, though—smell, sight, and hearing. The pain disappeared as quickly as it came, leaving only soreness, which I was sure would be taken care of with a hot soak. "How do you feel?" I asked Nyx. There wasn't really anything around in her mind. I didn't know how to explain it. This was the first time the roles had been reversed. It was like I was part of her consciousness but without a form. It sounds silly when I try to explain it, but I simply exist in her mind, like an inner voice or something like that. "Great, actually," she replied, her excitement drumming inside her. "It's good to be free. It's been such a long time since I've had my wolf form, and I have missed it." I stared at her, confused, King and Raven completely forgotten. "What do you mean by 'such a long time'? We shifted for the first time only a few minutes ago," I questioned her, my suspicions at their peak. "Oops," she murmured. "My tongue slipped; it's nothing." Before I could ask any more questions, she took off in a sprint, completely ignoring King's calls. She ran past trees at a dizzying speed, the wind rushing against her fur while her tongue hung from her mouth. I wanted to ask her more, but she had blocked me, which just infuriated me. I wanted so much to enjoy this run with her, but how could I when she was keeping secrets from me? When she said that it had been a long time since she ran, it insinuated that she had done this before. Which can't be possible because wolf spirits are given to their human counterparts from birth. We only shift at twenty-one because, by then, the human is strong enough both mentally and physically to handle a shift. As much as I wanted to believe her—that it was nothing—I couldn't. I then remembered she said something in the office. I had been too distracted after finding out that Alec was my mate to realize what she had said. So, if I were to go by her statement, then it means that this isn't the first time Nyx has shifted. Does that mean that I've been given someone else's wolf spirit? Is Nyx a reincarnation? Am I a reincarnation? And if it's true, and Nyx is a reincarnated wolf spirit, how old is she? And who was her first human? "You're thinking too much," Nyx interrupted my thoughts. "Can't you just put what I said to rest? I already told you it's nothing." I wanted to believe her, but I couldn't. "If you want to put it to rest, then tell the truth." "I already did," she growled distractedly, almost missing a step. Rolling my eyes, I sneered. "And we both know you're lying." Not having the answers was slowly killing me, driving me to the brink of insanity. Why couldn't she see that? It's not like giving the answers would kill me, so why the hell was she withholding them? "Give it a rest, Sadie, and let me enjoy my run," she snapped. If stubbornness were a being, it would be Nyx. She and her damn secrets. What was it about them that she kept so close to her heart? Didn't she trust me enough? Is that it? Feeling overwhelmed, I tried pushing those thoughts to the back of my mind. I was tired and worn out physically. The last thing I needed was also to be tired mentally. I stood back and let her do her thing. The last thing I saw before I shut my eyes was the scenery flashing past me. I thought a little rest would do good. The past few hours had been trying and exhausting. My eyes snapped open when I heard Nyx groaning. I was afraid she might have been hurt while I was soundly napping. When my eyes focused, I was faced with a very dead deer that had its throat ripped open. "Nyx—" I called, trying to avoid the deer's empty eyes; they felt like they were staring straight at me. Sure, I had killed a lot of rogues and hybrids since my first kill when I first met King, but this felt different—maybe because it was an innocent animal. "Oh, stop with the guilt," Nyx dropped the animal. "I'm sure our pack will appreciate that their alpha hunted for them." "You do realize you didn't have to do that, right?" I asked, still eyeing the dead animal. "That's why we have butchers delivering meat every week." She scoffed before grabbing the animal. She continued to pull it toward the pack. "I know, but it's always been a tradition. I don't know why it was wiped out, but it was a tradition for every Alpha or future Alpha to hunt for their pack on their first shift. I'm just honoring it." I'd never heard of that kind of tradition, which begged the question: how old was Nyx? "How old are you?" I asked her desperately. "If you won't tell anything, at least tell this one thing." "Old enough," she replied, and I groaned in annoyance. That wasn't an answer, but a deflection. Instead of saying anything, I kept quiet, fuming on the inside at her refusal to give an answer. "I'm tired and spent," she said when we got to the clearing. "Get ready to take control." That was the only warning I got. Luckily, this transition wasn't as painful as the first. Within seconds, I was on my hands and knees. I stood up only to see King and Raven rushing toward me. "Where have you been?" Raven asked, worry coating her voice. King handed me my clothes. "We have been worried about you since Nyx sprinted away." "You could have just followed her," I muttered, slowly putting my clothes on, wincing at my sore bones. "No, I couldn't... I couldn't smell her. I think she masked her scent." Now, why would she do that? I would have asked her, but she had blocked our mental link. "We need to take this to the pack," I said, ignoring everything since I didn't have any answers to give them. "Nyx went hunting." Damn. All I wanted right now was a deep soak in the bathtub and sleep. The nap I took while Nyx was in control wasn't really enough. "Did you know?" King asked, staring at me intensely. "Know what, King? You have to be a bit more specific than that. There are a lot of things I don't know about." I didn't mean to snap at him, but I was on edge. Alec was in my pack and was my mate. Just yesterday, I had transformed into something no one had ever seen before, and instead of two forms like a normal wolf, I had three... and my wolf was keeping things from me. Everything was starting to weigh down. I just didn't know how to handle everything that had been coming my way. "That you're a white wolf," Raven answered, pulling me from my thoughts. "No, why?" They looked at each other before facing me. Apart from my paw, I hadn't gotten to see the rest of my wolf form. I didn't think much about it because there are wolves with white paws, though the rest of their bodies are a different color. And so what if I am a white wolf? There isn't anything wrong with it, so I didn't get why King seemed to be making a big deal out of it. Is this why he looked shocked when he first saw Nyx after we shifted? "You don't know, do you?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. "Know what, King?" He was starting to get on my nerves, honestly. What's with the beating around the bush? "A white wolf is rare, Sadie... I mean really, really rare," he finally answered. "What?" This time, I was the one shocked. He continued, shocking me even more than I already was. "In fact, the moon goddess is the only one ever recorded to have a pure white wolf." Fuck. As if I didn't already have enough mysteries surrounding me, now this? Was the goddess trying to drive me to insanity? Because she was doing a hell of a good job at it.