Chapter 11: Taking a Break and Appreciating the Values of Shitty Games

「Oho, well if it isn’t Sanraku! Finally decided to graduate from all “Crap” you are always into?」 「And I see that your tastes are as weird as ever, Modorukatsu. But it’s been a while since I played such a game, so I think I’ll keep you company for a while. Ah, that’s right. I cleared “Sh*t Chronicles Online”, just to let you know.」 「Seriously!? I’ve so had it with the last boss so I just said “Screw that!” and left the game!」 「It is perfectly doable, that is if you have a Summer Vacation and plenty of time to spare and are fine with hitting the last boss with the strength of a wet noodle.」 「Ahh, so that’s the trick, you say? ……Right, I shall try it again tonight. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I just left it as it is……」 Since most of the players already acquired the required hundred log-in bonuses, even though it was the Summer Vacation the server felt mysteriously empty at this hour. Today I wasn’t the half-naked bird mask Sanraku…… Rather, I was the Berserker Sanraku, a fierce warrior versed in Iai-jutsu, and as you can tell I wasn’t playing ShanFro right now. Since I have been playing the Godly game for a while now, I decided to switch to something else for today as to replenish my Sh*tty Game energy which I seemed to have been lacking. I just wanted a little breather, so I decided to revisit one of the games I’ve managed to clear some time ago. This game was called “Berserker Passion Online”, “Ben P” for short, hence “Crap” (Note: “Benpi” mean “Constipation” in Japanese but I thought that “Crap” would fit in more nicely. Lame, I know, but please bear with me there). This game was of course a sh*tty game, since ShanFro was the first title outside of that spectrum that I have bought in years. It is a game that was originally launched as the sequel to “Berserker Online” where one could plainly see what the sh*tty games are in a nutshell, and that was the downloadable version. But the physical copy…… Ohh, this is where things get interesting. It was so riddled with bugs and glitches that it was deemed as unplayable by many players, earning it the title of “King of Sh*tty Games” whose reign was long and supreme. Well, that is until “Sh*t Chronicles Online” rolled around and dethroned the king. That’s how bad it was. 「Say, Modorukatsu? Would you like a sparring match with me?」 「Sure thing. So, about the rules……」 「「Everything is permitted, so hold nothing back!!」」 When I received an invitation to a duel I approved it without thinking…… Modorukatsu was a sh*tty game enthusiast much like myself, one that was quite famous in the gaming world for clearing many different and impossible titles. And it so happens that he was also a veteran of this “Crap” here. He also accepted the duel. There’s a message informing about the start of the duel, and in the next moment a battlefield is being built around Modorukatsu and I. 「Oh, someone’s going at the duel?」 「Modorukatsu and…… Hey, if it isn’t Sanraku!」 「Sanraku, I thought that you moved on to another game already……?」 「He said something about replenishing his sh*tty energy meter or something like that. He said that otherwise he wouldn’t be able to go on, or something like that.」 It was kind of awkward, but in this game the duel between players were always a kind of a show for everyone else to witness, so it was only natural that a fairly large crowd of people would gather around us to see what was going on. Especially since one of the participants was Modorukatsu, one of the strongest players on the server at the moment. 「While you were getting busy and struggling with “Sh*t Chronicles Online”, I was honing my skills inside of this game, and the fruits of my training are this new Ultimate Technique that I managed to come up with! So be prepared to be utterly destroyed by it!」 「Hoo, I’m sure that such a battle maniac like you had to come up with something awesome! So have at you and show it to me!」 When the gong rings, signalizing the beginning of the battle…… Something strange starts to happen to Modorukatsu’s body. Are those…… bugs, or what!? 「Uwah! Disgusting!」 「Take this! R-18 Tentacle Attack!!」 As declared, there were several tentacle-like objects stretching from Modorukatsu’s limbs, back, and neck, attacking me all at once. On the other hand, I assume my Iai posture with my sword ready to be drawn and attack. …… Attack? No, counter is a more accurate description. In the next moment, both Modorukatsu and I leap towards one another and disappear for a short moment, only to appear again at different corners of the arena. 「Even with the current attack time delay, I should have been able to deal with it thanks to my reaction speed!」 「Your Iai-Style Draw attack takes about twelve frames, it is even faster than most bosses ultimate attack animations. You could technically counter any kind of attack with it, right?」 「Yeah, but my limbs all feel like cotton for some strange reason?」 「Oi, did you really expect to counter an attack like that without any kind of backlash now? That’s way overconfident, even for you!」 The reason why this game is so famous even though it is so niche is the system called “Bug Tudo”. If you are playing this game from its physical copy…… There were these bugs that would frequently occur, especially when the avatar was about to receive some kind of a mortal wound, where your avatar’s model would collapse and the game physics would go totally out of control, wiggle like crazy, fall outside of the map, become temporarily invincible…… There were a whole lot of examples for this. As a result, “Crap” managed to transform itself from a game about battles amongst mighty warriors into an infernal cesspool of deviants and unholy degenerates that were deriving delight from discovering in what new way they could bug out their avatar or break the system. Although this game used to have a story mode as well, it was now almost impossible to finish it since NPCs and mobs were prone to bugging out as well, which in turn made some of the key story segments impossible to clear. Another nickname for it would be “Super Dimensional Bug Guerilla Rhythm Game”. Why Rhythm though? Because thanks to the bugs galore that was happening on screen you would end up wanting to smash your head against your desk to the rhythm of the bugged avatar’s movements, of course. For now, “Crap” was really unworthy of being called a true Full Dive game even though that is exactly what it was. In any case, its current premise was to “Break your human appearance as fast as possible”. It is a problem that must be addressed at some point in time, but apparently that time isn’t now. With the advent of the VR games the players who use classic controllers and monitors are pretty much non-existent at this point. In VR games physical strength amounts to nothing since the physical attributes of your real body are not converted inside of the game. However, those with fast reflexes are the one who are to be truly advantageous in VR games. For that exact reason even those with poor health in real life can pull off parkour in the VR games. The main character is someone just like that.