chapter 12 Request to share accommodation

The night got deeper and I sobered up from drinking. I zipped up my jacket, lit a cigarette, and walked on the street in a daze under the light and shadow of the neon lights. What I was thinking about was the endless trivial matters. Suddenly I felt a little confused. I am tired of my current life and want to do something with my life, but I don’t know where to start, so I am even more confused. Passing by a hotel, looking at the lights scattered from dozens of windows, it seemed as if I could see pairs of bodies rising up and down on the bed, so that the whole hotel was shaking. On this night, some people are enjoying the ecstasy of the night in a warm room, while others are walking on the streets witheringly, enduring the loneliness of the night. But it is precisely because of this contrast that the world seems so three-dimensional and real. I should understand that this world is originally a complex contradiction. Someone has to bear loneliness and loss, so I don't have to feel wronged or complain. But the moonlight tonight is so beautiful, and the lonely people it shines on have nowhere to escape, so I ask the immortals in the sky to please turn off the power of the moon. I am willing to endure loneliness, but it does not mean that I am willing to expose my loneliness to this naked world. middle When I returned to my residence, I stood downstairs as usual and looked around. I didn't see Penelope's car. Then I went around to the opposite side of the building and took a look. The car was there. Penelope seemed to be used to parking her car here. . I squatted next to the car and smoked another cigarette and returned upstairs. Then I stood at the door of Penelope's room for a while before knocking on her door. "Penelope, are you asleep?" I asked in a low voice. "What's up" "I want to talk to you." Penelope answered as I expected: "There is nothing to talk about between us." "At least let me say thank you in person for what happened tonight. Thank you so much." "No need."Penelope still rejected me with three words. "Yes, I feel bad if you don't tell her." I said without getting Penelope's consent and opened her door in the name of gratitude. The lights in the room were still on, and Penelope was sitting at her desk reading a book, information, or documents. Penelope seemed to be used to my rudeness and didn't react at all to my entering the room without permission. I came behind her, glanced at her and asked, "What are you looking at?" Penelope ignored me and still focused on the document she was reading. I just stood there, thinking about how to tell Penelope that I planned to continue living here. "Do you think it's appropriate to stand in a woman's room in the dead of night?"Penelope asked me coldly. "I just want to say thank you, nothing else." I said quickly. "Then go ahead and get out immediately." "Oh" I responded and asked in a flattering manner: "By the way, have you taken your medicine tonight? I just heard you coughing." Penelope closed the document and looked at me with a frown, and said, "If you have anything to say, please speak quickly. I'm ready to rest." "This is what you asked me to say. I told you not to fall out with me." I said quickly. "Then don't say it." "That won't work. If you say it, it will throw water out. If you ask me to say it, of course I will say it." After pondering for a while, I finally said: "Let me tell you the truth. I don't want to move out at all." After saying this, I stood up subconsciously. I straightened up and tried to suppress Penelope with a mighty aura and get her to agree to my request not to move out. Penelope looked at me and said calmly: "I said you don't have to pay back the money I owe for the time being, so you have no reason not to move out." "I told you I don't want to move out at all, don't you understand what I mean?" I said, my voice rising. "But you promised me to move out more than once. Is your promise so cheap in my eyes?"Penelope words were cold, but his eyes were flashing with anger. "What's wrong with you letting me live here?" My words were also angry. While Penelope didn't understand me, I didn't understand her either. There are so many people living together in this city. Why am I so dependent on this place? She kept her in the same room, but she mercilessly kicked me out time and time again. Besides, I feel that I have a very good character when it comes to sharing a room, and I am a very safe roommate. Penelope asked back: "Tell me where it is best." "Anywhere is fine." I thought for a while and then said: "With me living here, if there is a neighborhood dispute or something in the future, I can easily help you solve it. Let me tell you: I am the leader of this community." "Don't be so naive, okay?"Penelope interrupted me. I sneered: "You don't believe it, right? You can go to other communities and see if there are square dancers disturbing the residents every night. Have you found any in the community we live in? Is there no one? I tell you: although this community does not have property management , but having me here is much better than property management or something like that.” "Even if what you said is true, it does not become a reason for you to continue living here. You must move out."Penelope still said to me firmly. I was angry again: "Are you so heartless? Why did you let me live here? At least the water pipe is blocked and the light is broken. I can fix it. If it rains or something, if you are not at home, I will also help collect the clothes." , let’s take another example today, you are sick, I can’t just ignore it, I have to buy you medicine and cook a bowl of ginger soup. Why do you have to be so stubborn and make both of you unhappy?” "I'm not unhappy." Penelope choked me up with one sentence, and she stayed in awkward silence for a long time before saying, "I don't want to move anyway. I owe you so much money, and I think it's more important to pay you back first than to move." Penelope asked unexpectedly: "Tell me why paying back the money first is more important than moving." I said without thinking almost: "I will feel at ease after paying you back, but moving makes me feel helpless and empty. If it were you, would you choose to pay back the money first or move first?" "If you move out from here, you can still go to live somewhere else. Where do you start talking about emptiness and helplessness?"Penelope continued to ask. I looked around at everything in this house, and there was an indescribable emotion in my heart. Penelope didn't understand my feelings and nostalgia for this house at all, so every time she kicked me out, she wouldn't consider me. feelings, but having said that, there is no need for her to consider it. No matter how deep the nostalgia is, it is only my own after all. I lit a cigarette to relieve the loss and helplessness in my heart. "Don't smoke in my room, okay?" Penelope's words were full of disgust, but I couldn't blame her. I was too presumptuous to ignore that I was still in her room at this moment. "Sorry, I'm going to the balcony to smoke." I whispered. After smoking a cigarette on the balcony, I returned to the living room, but to my surprise, Penelope was not in her bedroom at this moment, but sitting on the sofa in the living room. She took the initiative to speak to me for the first time: "You haven't answered the question I just asked." "You just asked me why I felt empty and helpless when I moved out, right?" Penelope nodded. I sat down on the sofa opposite Penelope, closed my eyes, and the countless days and nights I had lived here appeared in my mind like fragments. After a very long silence, I finally said: "I moved here two years ago. The days when I first moved here were the darkest days in my life. I had insomnia almost every night. Insomnia is because I have a lot of thoughts, but I can’t tell anyone about these thoughts, but they are boring in my heart and feel uncomfortable, so I treat the floor lamp, cabinet, wall clock, and even a mop in the room as my friends. These thoughts that cannot be told to others tell them that although they never respond to me, they are very patient. No matter how long I talk, they are very patient. So after I stopped vomiting, I didn’t feel so uncomfortable. I am very grateful. They are grateful for everything in this room. They are my support and my friends, so I don’t want to leave. I love this room. Although it is very simple, it is the safest and warmest one in my world. place" After I finished speaking, Penelope looked at me with a very complicated look, but I had no idea what this complexity meant. I was just waiting anxiously to see if she would let me continue to live here.