chapter 24 cost of growth

Already far away from that old community, I dragged my luggage and walked on the streets of the city. After walking for a long time, I found a stone bench for resting in a square. I put my luggage on the side of the stone bench, lit a cigarette and sat down. Looking at the flashing neon lights attached to the tall buildings, I felt a panic of not knowing where to go. Quickly avoiding the light and shadow under this city, I looked up at the sky, looking for the "City in the Sky" that had been stripped away from my body. I don’t know when, a group of square dancing mothers with fans came to the square. The sound of music suddenly drowned me out. I was suffocated and couldn’t see clearly the “City in the Sky”. Maybe it had been hidden behind the moon. Maybe it was blown away by the passing wind just now But this night, I have to find a place to rest in this city. I took out my cell phone from my pocket and dialed Hayden's number. He lived near the train station. I happened to be taking the train to Hengdian tomorrow, so I decided to stay with him that night. Hayden answered the phone amid the noise: "Maxwell, do you have anything to do with me?" “Still performing in the bar” "Yeah, it's our band's turn soon." "Oh, well, I want to stay at your place for one night. Is that convenient?" Hayden smiled and said, "What's the inconvenience? Come to the bar now. When I get off work, we'll go back together." "I'll go directly to where you live, and I won't go to the bar." "Come on, let me buy you a drink. I still have several coupons here." "I really won't go." I said and hung up the phone, leaving Hayden wondering why I didn't go. After leaving the square, I took a taxi directly to Hayden's residence. After checking that it was still early, I went to the train station to buy a train ticket from Suzhou to Yiwu tomorrow morning. Robben came back from the bar at almost 12 o'clock at night, and I had already fallen asleep leaning on my luggage in the corridor. Hayden slapped me awake and said in a complaining tone: "Your kid has recently changed his gender. You are not happy to ask you to go to a bar. You would rather sleep in the corridor and wait." I just smiled without words. Hayden asked me as he opened the door: "Have you moved?" "Yeah, I haven't found a suitable house yet. I have to go to Hengdian for a business trip tomorrow, so I'll spend the night at your place." "Stay here, it doesn't take long." After saying that, he looked at the luggage on the ground and asked, "Where's your awesome guitar?" I felt depressed. After all, it was a guitar that had been with me for several years, but I calmly said to Hayden: "Take it to pay off the debt." Hayden eyes widened and he sighed: "How miserable you are after paying off your debt. I used to borrow money from you several times to play around with you, but you were so precious that you didn't even want to borrow it, and you actually used it to pay off your debt." "Don't mention it and help me carry my luggage in." Hayden lives in a small attic on the top floor. There is only one narrow room. There is a large balcony at the back of the house. There is a bathroom shared by many people and a rope for drying clothes on the balcony. The living environment is not that good. good. Turning on the light, I first saw a few simple leather jackets hanging on the hangers, a guitar in the corner, a few pairs of Martin boots on the shoe rack, and a few boxes. There were no extraneous furnishings, except for the messy The beer cans on the table are not too messy. After arranging the luggage, Hayden took out two buckets of instant noodles from which box he didn't know, and made one bucket each for himself and me as a midnight snack. After a short while, the finished instant noodle box was placed upside down on an abandoned flower pot under the balcony. The two of them placed a few cans of beer next to them and sat on the guardrail of the balcony. Each tore open a can of beer, Hayden and I touched one, raised our heads, and immediately drank half the beer. "Maxwell, I see that you have been quite depressed recently. You have been hit by something, and you don't even go to the bar." "I live a carefree life, what kind of blow can I take?" I said and drank the remaining beer in the can, but looked blankly into the distance. In the distance, the lights on Maxwell's giant billboard were still twinkling in the early hours of the night. Hayden didn't ask any more questions, and followed my gaze to look into the distance. After a long time, he patted my shoulder with empathy. We are all marginalized people struggling in this city. Some of the pain is the same. In fact, there is no need. That's so clear. The wind blew past us with the coldness of the night. Hayden and I were still sitting on the guardrail and looking out, drinking another can of beer. In a quiet night, people always think more. Hayden seemed to think of someone and tore open another can of beer, but I stopped him. Drinking too much wine is not good after all. Yesterday I almost lost my mind because of drinking too much. Jump into the moat more often. "I miss a woman," I asked Hayden with a smile. "Yeah, I'll think about it after drinking some wine."Hayden said straightforwardly. I knew that Hayden once had a girlfriend whom he loved deeply. I pushed him and said, "Do you still have the photo of your girlfriend? Take it out and take a look." Hayden took out his wallet from his pocket, pulled out a photo from the mezzanine and handed it to me. I used the light from the distance to see clearly the woman in the photo. She had good facial features and was a very intellectual and temperamental person. woman. Hayden was a little absent-minded, and after a long time he said to me: "It's been almost three years since we broke up, and she should be married now." "Why did we break up?" Hayden smiled sadly: "She was born in a teacher's family. Her parents are both university professors and come from a well-educated family. I am a music player with no stable income. I live day by day, so I don't want to delay her." "So you carried her from Beijing to Suzhou" Hayden nodded and said after a long time: "In fact, she later pursued her to Suzhou and we lived together for another half a year." "Then why did we break up?" I asked with some confusion. "Her parents came to me and told me that they had arranged a job for her at a university in Beijing and asked me to let her go back to Beijing." "Just let go of you silly little fool" Hayden nodded: "Let it go, I told her I have another woman." "She can believe it" Hayden smiled and said: "She definitely doesn't believe it." "That" "I found a young lady, right in this room, in front of her."Hayden didn't say any more, there was still a smile on his face, but what I saw under this smile was a heart that was already dead. . I sighed heavily and said: "Why do you have to do things so brilliantly?" "If I didn't do this, she wouldn't leave. The long-term pain is worse than the short-term pain." Robben raised his head and drank the beer in the can in one gulp, but part of the liquid flowed down his neck and into his clothes. I was silent. Although Hayden said it lightly, I saw a helpless and heartbreaking love. I knew that Hayden would never forget that woman in his life. "Stop talking about me, show me your girlfriend's photo too."Hayden also pushed me and said. I also took out Emily's photo from the compartment of my wallet and handed it to Hayden. In fact, we are not willing to forget the past because it is too precious. The light projected from the opposite side was no longer enough, Hayden lit the lighter and looked at Emily in the photo through the burning flame. "Your girlfriend is beautiful, not ordinary beautiful" When I heard the word beautiful, my female tenant's face suddenly came to mind again, but this did not surprise me, because I have never seen a woman more beautiful than Penelope in my life. Just for a moment, I returned to reality. Looking at the familiar yet unfamiliar face of Emily in the photo while the flames were not extinguished, my heart tingled. I thought: Soon, she will also marry Brian. Bar. Hayden returned Emily's photo to me and asked: "What about you, why did you break up?" I recalled it and said for a long time: "One year after she went to the United States, she called me to break up with me." "Why did she break up with you?"Hayden asked. "I don't know, she didn't say." I replied with the same smile as Hayden just now. "You didn't even ask." I nodded. I really didn’t ask Emily why she broke up with me, because I felt that if Emily wanted to say something, she would tell me without me asking. Maybe my subconscious mind didn’t believe that we could get there. In the end, there will be a day when we break up, and what can we do if we ask for the outcome of something that is expected? "Aren't you afraid that there might be some misunderstanding between you two?"Hayden reminded me. I was stunned and said: "Is there any misunderstanding that love is just a passing cloud? Let's not talk about this. Go get the guitar and let's play a song. Forget about all this mess." Hayden took the guitar from the house, tried the tune and asked me: "Should I tune it with your key or mine?" "casual." Hayden plucked the guitar strings, and a melody floated in the night air, which was the price of Li Zongsheng's love. "Let's go, let's go. People must learn to grow up. Let's go, let's go. Life will inevitably experience pain and struggle. Let's go, let's find a home for your heart. I have been sad and shed tears, and I have been heartbroken. , This is the price of love. Maybe I will still miss her occasionally. Sometimes I will inevitably miss her as if she were an old friend. It also makes me feel distressed and concerned. But there is no more spark in my heart, let the past go with the wind. Go ahead” The songs floated out from our mouths, full of vicissitudes of life, but I did not understand whether the price of love was just sadness, tears and heartbreak, but I knew that the price of growth was the love that had passed away in the passage of time. In this late night when it was time to see through, I still regretted my lost love, and regretted Hayden and that unknown Beijing girl. Early the next morning, I got on the train heading for Yiwu. After arriving at Yiwu, I had to transfer to Hengdian. I knew I should do something for myself. If Maya could agree to come back this time to help shoot the opening of i promotional poster, my career will usher in the first progress in my life. After being promoted to the leader of the planning copywriting team, my monthly salary will be over 10,000 yuan, and maybe my life will be stabilized accordingly. Sitting on the train going south, I said to myself for the first time: "Work hard, Maxwell, don't let anyone look down on you again."