Chapter 8

It was almost another month before I saw Joe again.

He traveled with his family and then went to New York to see his grandparents. He was all over, including a wilderness camp. We texted back and forth, but when he was finally home, my parents shipped me off to Arizona. It was supposed to be four days where I’d heal with my friends, but some major miscommunication happened somewhere between the parents. They set it up, but the friends I used to cry with, laugh with, and who I thought had my back didn’t show up. Strangers did.

Zoe and Gianna spent most of the time talking to each other, laughing over someone’s tweet, and they forgot I was there. No joke. I was watching television in Gianna’s basement when I heard the door shut upstairs, and the house was quiet. They’d gone. I checked on social media and saw they were at the community pool, but I wasn’t going to get mad. I mean, seriously. Fighting with Erin was fun. She was someone I hadn’t known since second grade. She was someone I hadn’t shared chain letters with or plotted with on how to get even with Mia Gillespie in fourth grade when she stole Zoe’s boyfriend.

Erin was easy. There was nothing emotional there, but my two old best friends—too much history.

Instead, I booked my own flight back home and ordered a car.

It was close to midnight when I texted Joe, telling him I was outside his house. The driver’s taillights were disappearing when he came out the front door.

“Hey.” Dressed in lounge pants and a soft shirt, he folded his arms over his chest, tucking his hands under his arms. He eyed my small suitcase. “You really came straight from the airport?”

“Was this stupid?” A normal girl might’ve had that thought in her head. But my head? There wasn’t enough room for second thoughts in there. I gestured to his house. “Should I go home?”

“No.” He’d hunched over a little but straightened and shook his head. “No. It’s fine. Seriously.” He went back to eyeing my luggage. “I thought you were joking about the airport. I could’ve picked you up.”

“Oh.” That meant a lot. “No, this is fine. Simple. No fuss. That’s how I roll these days.”

He fought back a grin. “Except when we break into my buddy’s house to spend the night, right?”

I laughed. “Except for that.”

“Come on.” He jerked his head toward the house before reaching for my suitcase. “My mom has book club tonight, which is aka wine night, and Peach is at Erin’s house.”

“Your dad?” I had to admit it felt nice as I stepped inside, warm and cozy. I hadn’t known how cold I was until then.

Joe closed the door behind me, locking it. “He’s downstairs watching the baseball game. He DVR-ed it, and trust me, by the time it’s done, he’ll be a full case in. He’ll either sleep down there or head straight to bed. I’ve had friends over before when it’s a baseball night for him, and he had no clue.” He stepped around me, moving quietly. “You want something before heading up?”

I fought back the smile this time. “Going right to it, huh?”

He glanced back, and his eyes darkened. “You know what I mean.”

“I do.” I shook my head. “And I’m good.” My stomach rumbled, which makes Joe’s eyebrows rise. “You sure? Your stomach says otherwise.”

Thinking about it, I didn’t know when I’d last eaten.

I ate breakfast Thursday morning. My mom drove me to the airport two hours later. There was a meal offered on the plane, but I didn’t eat it. Gianna’s mom picked me up, and we went to a pizza place. I picked at a slice, but I couldn’t bring myself to chew it and digest it.

Zoe and Gianna had eaten popcorn that night while we watched movies. They’d laughed. I’d curled in a blanket and tried to sleep.

Then this morning, I had orange juice and coffee. That was right. Zoe and Gianna went to the coffee shop and brought back bagels and lattes. I had one of the lattes. Lunch was licorice for them, which Gianna’s mom didn’t approve of. She made a big salad, and the other two nibbled on it, but they were too full from licorice.

And this afternoon they’d left me.

I hadn’t eaten on the plane again, so it had been almost two days.

I shrugged. “Maybe a drink?”

He clipped his head in a nod. “Got it.” We went upstairs first, and he stowed my luggage in his room before returning to the kitchen. I went into his bathroom, grateful it was attached to his room, and by the time I’d cleaned up and felt a little refreshed, he was back, carrying a glass in each hand and a bag of chips in his mouth.

“Here.” I started to take the bag, but he shook his head and held up one of the glasses. I took that instead, and as soon as I did, he opened his mouth.

The bag of chips fell to the bed and he took a sip from his own glass. “Mmmm . . .” He winked. “Rum and Coke. Good stuff, right?” He clinked his glass to mine and then settled on his bed, moving back to rest against the wall. The chips went on the stand next to him, along with his drink after a second good sip.

He had a loveseat against the other wall in his room, and I perched there. Fuck. This drink was good. I craned my head back, staring at it. “I could down this whole thing in two seconds.”

“So do it.” He opened the chips and popped a couple in his mouth. Grinning at me, he added, “Not to tread where you might not want me, but I’d think you’d want to pass this year in a drunken haze. I would.”

Yeah. I drank a third of it before leaning back against the couch. “It isn’t my style.”

It would’ve been Willow’s, though. She would’ve drank, partied, and become a nympho if I’d been the one . . .

My throat burned, and I took another long drink. Shit. This really was good. Two more sips, and I’d need a refill.

I eyed Joe over the top. “You aren’t the type to take advantage of me, are you?”

He chuckled. “Nah.” He winked. “But I might graze the side of your boob when we’re sleeping later.”

I laughed and stopped immediately.

Shit. The last time I’d laughed, the last time I’d smiled, had been with him—not my old friends—or ex friends—and not anyone else. Just Joe.

“Does it get better?” The question was out before I could take it back.

Joe was quiet, holding my gaze across the room, and then he sighed. “I think it has to, at some point.”

God. I hoped so.

Pain I didn’t want to feel or acknowledge rose in my throat. It threatened to choke me, but I sat there. I waited, and it passed. I could breathe again a second later.

I finished my drink.

Joe scooted forward, handing his glass over. “Here, take mine.”

“It’s yours.”

He shrugged, eating more chips. “I’ll down a beer later, maybe. Trust me. It’s fine.”

I took the glass, feeling his fingers on mine for a moment, and a warm and cozy sensation settled over me. It was the same tingle I’d felt when I had stepped into his home. Everything else was flat, black and white, gray, dull, cold, and then I went to him, and it felt like color was turned on.

I could feel hunger again, thirst again. I remembered it was normal to feel warmth.

Feeling the choking come back up my throat, I turned off my thoughts. Life was easier that way.

“You’re staying here tonight, right?” Joe asked.

“Hmmm?” My shoulders sagged in relief. Thank you, Distraction.

He gazed around his room. “You’re sleeping here. That’s why you came, right?”

I nodded. “If that’s okay with you?”

A slow and wicked grin spread over his face. His eyes darkened, falling to my lips. “I’m a nice guy and all, but I’m not that nice, and especially lately, so trust me when I say this. You can sleep here any time you want.” His head leaned forward, his eyes almost digging into me. “That offer doesn’t go to anyone except you.”

The back of my neck warmed. I almost felt tongue-tied. “Thank you, and yes, that’s the plan.”

“But what about your folks? Won’t your friends or their parents say something when they realize you skipped town?”

I shook my head, feeling the booze loosening me up. “I left a note for Gi’s parents, but that was it. I doubt they’ll even notice till tomorrow morning.”

“You serious?”

I nodded. I should’ve felt sad about that. I felt relief.

“Gi and Zoe didn’t want me there. I knew it. They knew it. The parents didn’t care, but my friends have moved on. They have new lives.”

“That’s bullshit.”

Maybe. I drank half of Joe’s drink instead of caring. “They loved Willow too. They were my best friends, but Willow and I were a package deal. I was friends with her friends.” I gestured to my face. “You weren’t at the funeral. It’s easier to forget Willow than to mourn her.” I remembered the disgust I saw on Duke’s face. “Her boyfriend couldn’t get out of there fast enough. He had his hands all over Serena, Willow’s best friend.”

“Yeah. Well . . .” Joe balled up the bag of chips and tossed it across the room. It landed on the desk next to me. “People suck. Trust me. I get it.” He stood, pointing to my glass. “I’ll bring the ingredients. We can mix drinks till we pass out, huh?”

He left, so he didn’t see my response.

I was smiling so damn hard, and I wasn’t even sure why. All I knew was that I was happy when he came back. I could relax in this room with him, and I laughed until we did exactly what he said.

We passed out around three in the morning, after I drank myself into oblivion.

It was the best night I’d had in a long while.