CHAPTER 1

I watch her face flash with surprise, her eyes widening as she stares at me over dramatically. "Trisha Louise Lockwood, what in god's name have you done to yourself?!"
I roll my eyes, biting my tongue so I won't accidentally say something I later regret.
"It's just a hair change, Mum," I mumble, noticing how disgusted her expression is. She's leaning against my bedroom door frame, her long blonde hair falling freely down her shoulders. Her makeup is immaculately done as usual and she's dressed in a red figure hugging dress. Complete with laced up six inch heels. This is her dress attire. . . crazy, I know.
"What was wrong with the blonde?" She argues back, shaking her head in disappointment. I feel the anger brewing up inside of me as she sighs and mutters under her breath.
"I wanted a change! Do you not like it?" I respond, feeling hurt. Why couldn't she accept my decision and support me?
You know . . . like a normal Mum.
"The blonde is our signature look sweetie, you know that." Mum responds, dodging my question entirely. She doesn't act like a Mum at all. She's wild, crazy and basically an older version of myself.
Correction, the old me.
"That's the exact reason I wanted to do this," I mumble, playing with the strands of my dark brown hair. It's way shorter now but I like it, a lot. It took me courage to finally walk through the doors of the hairdressers and ask for a total makeover.
"You may be able to change your hair colour Trish but it won't change who you are." Mum says bitterly before spinning around and click-clacking her way downstairs. Her words hit me hard and I blink, eyes glazing over with a sudden glossy sheen.
Is Mum right? Did I change my hair colour for no reason at all?
I stand up and walk over to my bedroom mirror, grimacing at the bright pink walls. Everything in here is pink. Not the pretty shade of pink either. Eye watering, in your face bright pink that makes me want to hurl. I have no clue what I was thinking, the colour now makes me feel physically sick.
My appearance is completely different.
Instead of the thick blonde long hair falling almost down to my waist, it's now chestnut brown and short. The strands end just above my shoulders and frames my face perfectly. I can't help but feel relieved studying my appearance. . . The blonde was so exhausting. Every time I caught a glimpse of my hair, it reminded me of all the silly idiotic things I've done in my past.
Do you know how hard it is to look at yourself in the mirror and feel disgusted?
Feel like you've completely let yourself down?
Become someone you don't even recognise anymore?
That's what happened to me.
Where was the innocent little girl who loved to play dress up and Barbie's? The little girl who had boys that were best friends, not bed friends. I've lost all of my male friends through my own stupidity. Life lesson — don't sleep with your friends, any friendship you had before that will completely disappear. I learned that the hard way. My thoughts turn towards my first boyfriend and I clenched my teeth in anger. My hatred for him would always burn strong. He'd completely broken me, taking my innocence away with him as soon as he cheated on me. That's the point in my life where I became wild Trish.
I wanted a change. . . scrap that.
I needed a change to be able to survive the heartache.
Now I don't want to be blonde Trish anymore. I've grown to realise that I can't let him win. It's time to say goodbye to Trisha who's always up for a laugh. I'm the first person to get wasted at parties . . . I'm the first person to attract multiple guys attention but for all the wrong reasons. I'm the girl that boys will time to see how long it will take to jump into bed with me. Sometimes, it's not even on a bed.
Yes I'm aware that is disgusting.
Everyone can always count on blonde Trish to do something stupid.
Like the time I stripped off and skinny dipped at a beach party, the photo's went viral the next day. Or the time I was so wasted, I woke up in a strangers bed. Or when I was locked in a room with one of my exes, screaming at the top of my lungs to get him off me because he thought it was what I wanted. It wasn't.
Trisha Lockwood - the girl with the reputation.
How did I allow it to spiral so far and so out of control?
I'm an idiot for thinking hair dye and a haircut can change my past. From this day on, I've made a pinky promise to myself to change who I've become. Show the world the real Trish. Everyone knows you can't break a pinky promise.
I lie back on my bed and cuddle my favourite teddy bear. I've owned him since I was five years old and he's the only man in my life never to let me down. Whenever I need a cuddle or a shoulder to cry on, he's always there for me. Fresh tears sting my eyes but I refuse to let them fall. I never ever cry.
Not anymore.
Maybe Mum is right.
I won't ever be able to change who I am.