CHAPTER 4

When I'm around others, I hide my pain well behind my eyes. No-one knows how I really feel, not even Emily. I feel bad for not talking to her however she has enough problems to deal with without me adding to that list. I simply fake a smile and act like I'm on top of the world.
"What's up kids?"
A voice greets us and I snap my head up, creating eye contact with Tobias Melvin. My stomach does a little somersault from having his dark eyes on me. His eyes are simply beautiful — a chocolatey grey swirl of emotions hooded over with thick, dark lashes. Tobias is full of mystery, something I couldn't quite figure out. When he looks at me, his lips always twitch up into a smirk.
I clear my throat and tear my gaze off him, wondering how long we've been staring at each other. The thought of him looking back at me causes my body to warm up, embarrassment filling my features.
"Less of the kids Tobias," Emily warns him, shooting him a playful glare. Tobias smile at her, reaching down to flick her forehead.
"Shut up Emily," he teases, bouncing down on the couch opposite us. He's yet to speak to me directly and the thought of him doing so is causing my hands to grow clammy with nerves. I am definitely not a nervous person.
I ooze confidence, I walk in a room ready to own it. However whenever I'm in Tobias' presence, he knocks me completely off guard.
"What's up Trish? You're quiet tonight."
I blink, looking back at Tobias who's staring at me intensely. It's only a few seconds later that I realise he asked me a question and is waiting for a response.
"Nothing, I'm fine." I lie, giving him a faux smile that I hope he can't see through. He doesn't respond and instead cocks his head slightly to the side, mop of dark hair falling over into his eyes.
"Alright sugar, whatever you say." He responds with, that same damn smirk playing on his lips again. I feel my tongue completely dry out and despite trying to act cool, a small blush stains my cheeks. Tobias releases a slow chuckle, knowing exactly what his pet name does to me.
When I steal another glance at him, he's already watching the television screen, a neutral expression on his face.
My phone rings for the third time and I groan, glancing down at the screen. Surprise, surprise . . . It's Mum again. I get the urge to drop my phone and let it shatter so she isn't able to contact me anymore. I need my distance from her but she doesn't seem to understand that. My ringtone continues to play and the conversation around me dies down as all three of my friends look at me with humour in their eyes.
"And they're like, it's better than yours. Damn right, it's better than yours. I can teach you but I have to —"
I reject the phone call, giving them a sheepish look.
"Nice ringtone." Jake chuckles, his arm wrapped around Emily's shoulder. She giggles with him, a pizza box firmly placed in her lap.
"Yeah, it suits you Trish." Tobias adds, his brown eyes lighting up mischievously. My features twist into a confused expression and I turn towards him —
"What is that supposed to mean?" I question him, growing defensive. I know it's just a song but I can't help feeling hurt from his words. Does he mean the song reflects me as a person? I stand up, taking my phone with me as I decide to leave the house. I need some fresh air, away from everyone and especially away from Mum. The cool air outside calms me down and I close my eyes for a moment, enjoying the quiet.
"Hey Trish! Wait up."
I turn around to find Tobias jogging towards me, his dark hair flying around his face from the wind. I protectively fold my arms over my chest, annoyed at his comment.
"What do you want?" I mumble, dropping my gaze to my shoes.
"Didn't you hear us calling you back?" Tobias frowns, slowing down as he approaches me. I shake my head, plastering a fake smile on my face.
"I need go come home, it's getting late." I tell him, unable to look into his chocolate coloured eyes. Every time I do, they cause me to weaken and fall into a trance. I turn and begin to walk away but I feel Tobias' hand wrap around my wrist, holding me still. The small contact sends electric currents cursing through my body and I inhale sharply, my body stilling.
"It was just a joke, I didn't mean to upset you." He murmurs, his voice quiet and apologetic. His words drift off with the wind and I close my eyes, composing myself. I know I shouldn't be upset but it lies deeper than Tobias' comment.
I feel myself being tugged backwards against his body despite him barely using any force. When I slowly turn around, he's inches away from me. His eyes are almost black in the dark, only illuminated slightly by the street lamp above him. It creates shadows across his handsome face and I breathe in, reminding myself to remain calm. The heat and scent radiating from his body makes me feel the complete opposite of calm.
"Who was that on the phone?" Tobias asks me softly, his voice gentle and low. I blink a few times, fabricating a lie inside my mind.
"Just a friend," I tell him, unable to tell him the truth. I'm Trish Lockwood, the fun friend. I don't have any family drama or troubles. I'm the person people come to when they need cheering up, not dragging down. I silently ask myself the question —
Isn't that what I want?
To be the real me, not the version everyone expects me to be.
I struggle massively with opening up to people and breaking down my barriers. From the outside I appear confident and loud but it couldn't be any further than the truth. Inside my mind, the insecurity never stops or slows down. I've known Tobias for almost a year and he probably doesn't even know my address.
Many people don't know the real me beside from my reputation. There came a point in my life where everyone began to judge me so much, I gave up caring. It sucked the life from me and I channeled that negative energy into becoming a facade of a person. I've been belittled, bullied and judged because of my reputation for years. Because of that, I've built up barriers and walls that are virtually impossible to break down . . .
Call it a survival guide.
It's almost like Tobias can read my mind, intrude on my thoughts.
"Trish, I think you're forgetting I've known you for a while now." Tobias murmurs, his hand reaching up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I don't dare breathe as the tips of his fingers stroke against my cheek. I close my eyes and suddenly feel him take a step back, his hand dropping from my cheek. When I look at him, he's expressionless, a closed book.
Tobias doesn't open up to anyone either. Maybe that's why I feel such a strong attraction to him . . . I watch him silently as he leans back against the wall, pulling out a box of cigarettes from his jacket pocket. He silently offers me one and I shake my head, refusing it.
"Thanks anyway," I mutter, stuffing my hands inside my pocket. He doesn't respond and balances the cigarette between his lips, pocketing the rest of them. My eyes can't tear off his lips that are wrapped around the cigarette. He lights it up, inhaling deeply and his shoulder visibly relax as he does. When he pulls it away, he tilts his head back and blows the smoke up into the night sky.
"I know what's going on with you.”