Chapter 2

I know it's pathetic to cry but I don't care. James just broke up with me. Two years of my life wasted on him. Sure it was only a high school romance but it felt like so much more. I truly believed that I had fallen for him and I thought that he felt the same way. I guess I was wrong.

He never cared about me. If he did this wouldn't have happened. He probably didn't even like me, I mean he did describe me as:

Boring.

Safe.

Stale.

No fun.

Not daring.

Not reckless.

These were his words. He said these harsh things.

He doesn't think I know how to enjoy myself and I guess he felt as though I couldn't give him what he wanted. I can't blame him for that. As much as it pains me, if I don't make him happy I don't make him happy, simple as that. It doesn't stop it hurting like a bitch though.

They say that if you love someone you should let them go. Whoever came up with that is an idiot. It's nowhere near as easy as it sounds. It's almost like saying if you're happy, give up what makes you happy. It doesn't really make sense in the grand scheme of things.

How am I supposed to give up the love of my life? How am I supposed to just move on? How am I supposed to be that selfless?

Sure, I want him to be happy, in fact, his happiness is more important to me than my own but I don't think I can let him go.

I value him above myself and I thought he felt the same.

I would have taken a bullet for him, I still would, and I thought he felt the same.

I would have done anything in my power just to see him smile and I thought he felt the same.

It turns out I was wrong. He didn't feel the same.

I guess that to make him smile I need to let him be with someone who can make him that happy. That person is not me. No matter how much I wish it was, it's not.

James. I really cared about him, I still do, but my feelings aren't going to be reciprocated. Face it Aurora, he's not going to suddenly turn around and say 'gotcha' is he? He's gone and I need to look past him. I need to move on. I know I need to but I don't think I can.

Many people have said that everyone only has one true love. James was mine, I'm sure if it. I hope that one day I'll find another but I doubt it. If I was only meant to ever have one love I've already experienced mine.

I hope fate is kind. I hope I'm given a second chance. Love is a crazy thing with no determined direction; it could suddenly change path or just stop completely. The scary thing is we have no control over it.

After a few more minutes of letting the tears stream down my cheeks, I walk over to one of the sinks and splash some cold water onto my face so it doesn't look like I've been crying. I look up at my reflection to see that my eyes are still red and puffy but my cheeks don't look tear stained anymore so I think I'll be okay.

As I walk through the empty corridors to religious studies class I try to clear my mind. Breathe Ari, you've got this. Using all the courage I possess, I open the door only for it to creek violently, causing everyone's attention to be drawn to me, fantastic.

"And what sort of timing do you call this, Miss Kelly?" my teacher, Mr Johnson, asks irritably.

"Sorry sir, girl problems," I reply. That shuts him up. Learn from this — if you're ever late for class or want to leave early and you have a male teacher just remind them of a certain female thing and they'll let you do whatever without further discussion. It works every time.

His cheeks visibly redden and he looks slightly flustered. Clearing his throat he says, "Right, yes, just don't let it happen again."

The whole class sniggers at his obvious discomfort as I smugly make my way to my seat next to Ava.

"Why the fuck are you late?" Ava hisses at me while Mr Johnson continues with the lesson.

Shit, what do I say? I need to tell her but do I really want to tell her right now when she'll most likely flip out in front of the whole class?

"Wait, have you been crying? Ari, tell me, what's wrong," she demands softly, her voice laced with concern.

Well it looks like the cat's out of the bag, besides she'll keep pestering me until I tell her anyway.

"Jamesbrokeupwithme," I say, too quickly for her to understand.

"Huh?"

"Um, well, James and I sorta broke up," I whisper.

"WHAT!" she screams, scraping her chair back as she stands up, gaining everyone's attention.

"Miss Williams, what do you think you're doing?" Mr Johnson snaps, glaring at Ava.

"Sorry sir, girl problems," Ava says, mimicking my previous statement, while grabbing my wrist and yanking me out of the classroom door.

Before I can protest, Ava begins sprinting through corridors and downstairs, holding my wrist all the while, until we're in the same toilets I was crying in earlier.

Once we've finally stopped, Ava turns to me and begins to glare, "Alright missy, explain."

I take a huge breath and tell her everything, from our conversation to me crying in the toilets.

Once I've finished I look at Ava dead in the eye, waiting for her reaction. At first, her face holds a blank expression but it soon turns to one full of sympathy.

"Oh, Ari, I'm so sorry, come here," she says softly, pulling me into a tight hug.

"Don't apologise. It's not your fault," I murmur, trying to contain my emotions but as soon as she wraps her arms around me I place my head in the crook of her neck and let the tears fall once again. This feels better than before. Having my best friend here makes this so much easier. I may still feel like shit but just having someone you care about there to comfort you makes all the difference.

We stay like this for a while, me crying and Ava just letting the mascara-stained tears drip onto her blouse, holding me in a comforting manner. This is one of the many great things about my best friend, she's always there for me no matter what, through thick and thin I can count on her.

Once I finally finish, I wipe away the remaining tears with the back of my hand and look up at her.

"Are you okay now, Ari?"

I nod at her. "Yeah, I feel better now. Thank you, Ava."

She smiles at me. "Anytime. Ari, don't waste any more tears on him, he's not worth it." But he is.

I wish it was that easy. I wish I could just not feel anything for him anymore. I wish I could just move on. But it isn't and I can't.

"Ari, I know it's supposed to be movie night tonight but I'm sure the guys would understand if you didn't want to do it."

I shake my head. "No Ava. I'm not letting him dictate my life. Sure I'm still hurt, I'm hurting a lot but sitting around and moping isn't going to do shit. Besides a movie night will be a welcome distraction from the whole ordeal," I tell her firmly.

~*~*~

The rest of the day flew by. I promised myself I'd pay attention in the rest of my classes to make up for basically ditching all of religious studies.

Now school is over but I'm staying behind for art, my guilty pleasure. It doesn't count as one of my A levels, I just do it because I want to but I still love it all the same.

"Alright everyone since this is our first session of the year and I want everyone to do a free paint so I can see how you're all doing," Mrs Clark, the art teacher, says.

I can feel a grin spreading across my face, finally, I'll be able to express my feelings without any restrictions. I've had so much on my mind and I can finally let it all out and express myself through the paint. It sounds crazy, I know, but honestly, it's actually extremely therapeutic.

"Any questions? No? Good. Chop, chop, get to work."

Without any protest, I grab an apron and tie my hair back so I can get started.

I pick up my pallet and brush and I feel myself begin to relax so I sigh in contempt. Art has always made me feel better, it's my coping mechanism for my problems, just letting your mind run free and do what it wishes is an exhilarating feeling.

In each stroke of the brush, I'm letting out my feelings. You think I'm boring? Stroke. You think I'm no fun? Stroke. You can't be with me anymore? Stroke.

I carry on like this for a while, freeing myself from my emotions, letting them run wild and do their own thing.

"Okay everyone, time is up so we'll carry on with these tomorrow," Mrs Clark says, awakening me from my trance.

I carefully place my canvas in the drying area and wash off my brushes. I take my hair out of the ponytail and begin to exit the classroom but not before saying, "Thank you, Mrs Clark, I really needed this."

She smiles a warm smile at me. "Of course dear, you're welcome."

I grab my books from my locker and head over to Ava's car, only to be met with a very pissed off looking blonde, looking at her designer watch in annoyance, her arms crossed.

"How long does it take," she snaps irritably when she spots me.

I just shrug my shoulders in response.

Without speaking any further we both get into her car and I hear Ava huff in annoyance when she does.

After driving in silence for five minutes she finally snaps. "Damn it, I can't stay pissed at you, it's too boring. Let's forget that I'm mad but don't do this again, it's really annoying. Anyway-"

Boring, that's what James said, maybe I really am boring. I can't be boring, I don't want to be. I'll show him and everyone else, I'm super adventurous and outgoing, he'll see, they'll all see.

"Hello, earth to Ari," Ava says, taking one of her hands off of the steering wheel and waving it in my face to gain my attention.

"Sorry Ava, what were you saying?"

She sighs. "I was just asking how your day was."

"You know, same old same old. I did have art though and that made me feel so much better after everything that's happened."

"Ah yes, how could I ever forget about your obsession with art," she chuckles and our small talk continues for the rest of the short drive so before I know it we're back at my house. "Ari, all three of us will be here at eight okay?"

I nod my head. "Yeah, eight is good."

"You sure you're okay? I mean, who am I kidding? I know you're not but are you coping well enough? I tell you what, let's have a sleepover tonight after the boys leave. I'll do the ex-boyfriend ritual thing with you, I've never had the chance before, it's always been you doing it to me but-"

"Ava," I say, stopping her rambling. "Calm down. Sure. Let's have a sleepover, to be honest, I could really do with it, besides I kinda need you at the moment."

She gives me a sad smile. "You got it, Ari, girls night after the boys leave." Her voice is cheerful now as she tries to lift the depressing atmosphere. She's quite considerate and sweet like that.

"See you at eight."

"Eight," I say, nodding as she drives off.

What a day.

I walk into my house and am met with the smell of my mum's delicious cooking.

"Aurora sweetie, is that you?" my mother calls from the kitchen.

"Yeah," I reply, following the beautiful aroma of food.

"How was school, sweetheart?"

How do I explain this? Here goes…