Chapter 4

Amanda's POV

After Jen was done with me she told me I look "fab" and then chased me out of my own house. I was wearing a blood red short dress that showed off most of my thighs. I decided to get Lindt for Evan on the way as an extra surprise. He loves Lindt.

The sun had just set and it is starting getting dark. I know Evan keeps a spare key under the pot plant on his doorstep. I take it and quietly open the door and then sneak in.

I go up the stairs two at a time and to his room like a ninja. I smile and open the door to his room and that's when I realize he is not alone.

My heart drops to the floor and so does the Lindt box I am holding. It feels like the air just got punched out of my lungs.

"Oh, Evan, that feels so good. Don't stop! Yes! Right there! Oh god, yes!"

"Mhmm, you like that? You like it deep?"

"Yes! You're so big!"

Don't cry! Keep it together! You're Amanda Fucking Dowley! Keep it together!

But...

I couldn't.

A tear rolls down my cheek and I just stand there. Speechless. This all feels like Deja vu.

I curl my hands into lists to stop them from shaking so much.

I'm standing here, watching my boyfriend. I wish I didn't see this.

I would be so much better off not knowing what Evan is doing and yet I keep watching, torturing myself.

Evan realizes I walked into the room and gets off the girl he was fucking.

Then I realize who is with him. I had a feeling I heard that voice somewhere.

"Amanda?" Emma says.

Silence.

I shake my head and slowly walk out the room. "Sorry to disturb you." I say and walk away.

That's when the tears fall. I was with him for three years. How long have they been doing this? Why didn't he just break up with me? What did I do wrong? I can't believe I was going to break my virginity to him.

"Amanda! Wait!" I hear Evan shout. It feels like a bomb just went off and I can hear this loud buzzing sound in my ear like a high pitched cry. I shut the main door to his house and keep walking. Just a few more blocks to my house. Should I run? I hear the door open again but I'm not turning around to look at that face. I don't want to see it ever again.

A hand grabs my arm and stops me, "Amanda I'm sorry it's just that I- " I put a hand to his mouth to shut him up. "It's just that you couldn't wait one more fucking day? Is that it Evan? Or have you been doing this more than once?" I ask moving my hand from his

I thought. I can't believe I was ever friends with that stupid whore Emma. How was I so blind?

I walk away with tears pouring down my face. Evan stops me once again, "Amanda please, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I really do love you. I just couldn’t not have sex and..."

"And so you chose to do it with my best friend?" I ask.

Silence.

"I don't love you Evan. I did, I was stupid enough to but I swear I won't make that mistake again." Love is like ice. One mistake and it breaks. Or maybe it's not, maybe it's something you never stop fighting for. I guess I never really loved Evan then, because I don't want to fight for him. It doesn't make it hurt any less though. "Please, just let me explain." Evan pleads. "No Evan, I don't give a shit. Don‘t fucking talk to me again. Ever. Do you understand me? I. Hate. You. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you." I say. Tears pouring down my face.

"Amanda." A one word-plea. I've never hated my name as much as I do right now. "Three years Evan! I thought I could trust you after three years." I shout. I wasn't just mad at Evan and Emma, I was mad at myself. I should have known. It happened before. How could I not see that Evan would hurt me too. Anger takes over my body. I want to hurt Evan as much as he hurt me so I lift my fist and punch him straight in the nose. "My best friend. You fucked my best friend." I whisper. He reaches out, "Please don't go." A look of guilt and pain covers his face. "I hate you."

I whisper as I turn around and walk home.

****

Amanda's POV

As soon as I get home I call Jen. "What's wrong baby girl?" Jen asks, sounding concerned that I'm calling her when I should be with Evan. "Jen, he was in bed with someone else when I got there. I- " Jen interrupts me. "Hold on Hun, I'll be there in a second." She says and ends the phone call. I lie in my bed and stare up at the roof. Why me?I hate Evan so much!

After a while of staring at the roof and thinking of ways to murder Evan, the doorbell rings. I get out of bed and open the door to Jen who stands in the doorway with a bag full of ice cream flavors.

Jen hugs me so tight I almost can't breathe. She strokes my hair softly. So creepy.

"It's alright baby girl he didn't deserve you." I start crying again. "It's okay. He's a jerk and he will pay for it! Do you want to kill him?" Jen asks letting go of me. "No." I say, shaking my head as we walk up to my room. "Then I will kill him for you. I'm serious, periods help you learn to get blood off things which is probably why you hear more stories of men being caught with murder." Jen says.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Ew.

"No!" I say again. "Okay, well at least let me hire a hit man to kill him. Maybe just do a little damage, you know?" Jen pushes on. I stare at her. "Jen, I may hate him but I don't want to murder anybody. Well, not right now." I smile. Jen is the only person that can always make me smile. Ugh, I don't want to smile. I fall onto my bed that's covered in tissues.

"You want me to call Emma? I'm sure she will come help you. She can bring her mom's delicious lasagna." Jen says giving me the Nutella ice cream and a spoon. I just stare at my blanket. "It was her." I say softly, tears making my vision blurry.

"What?" Jen asks.

"She was the one that was doing the deed with Evan when I walked in."

It's silent for a while and then Jen screams, "Oh that little skank! I'm sorry Amanda but if I can't kill Evan I'm going to kill her! What a slag!" I nod in agreement.

"But you know what? One day you are going to wake up and you'll be in your house, in a comfy bed under a soft blanket that you dragged your husband into a store to get and you'll turn over and they'll be there, sleeping and you'll remember when you got stood up and cheated on and heartbroken and miserable and you were about to give up on love and I promise when you see the love of your life in a deep sleep with bed hair you'll be okay because they are the most beautiful thing you've ever seen and you're happy but its okay to be sad right now because some day you'll have that and it will be so worth it. I promise."

That was actually so deep, "Did you get that from tumblr?" I ask.

Jen grins sheepishly, "Maybe."

Jen looks at her phone, "Ooh, I got to go Hun! My mom is going to kill me! I'm already late and she wants me to meet her stupid new boyfriend. You want me to tell her I'm staying with you, baby girl?" Jen asks.

"No it's okay, you can go. Oh, and I'm not going to school tomorrow." Jen nods and leaves me alone with my Nutella ice cream. I kind of want to be alone right now. Like I was while I was dating Evan.

Alone…