Chapter 5 The Wait

I tried hard to throw myself into work and coursework the rest of the week. I did okay except that at night when I lay my head down to sleep, I couldn’t help but think of Kam (Kamron had quickly become Kam in my mind). I kept flashing back to memories of when I met her eyes after the coffee splashed me. I remember her beautiful, sparkling blue eyes and thick, dark eye lashes. Because we were both shocked, her eyes seemed so big when I first met them. Of course mine probably were too after getting splashed with coffee. Next I had noticed her pink, full cheeks, thick lips, and finally her dark brown hair with blond highlights. What is it about this girl that’s drawn me in? I’ve never grabbed another female’s hand, written on her arm, and definitely never flirted over text with anyone. What am I going to tell my friends, my roommates? All they know is I dated guys in high school, I was never really attracted to any of them, but that I decided to focus on college and work after graduation. “Relationships and family could wait until after college,” I’d told them. I am such a hypocrite. I already said I’d go, so what’s the harm on one date? It probably won’t amount to anything anyway, so at this point, there is nothing to tell. Some variation of this conversation would run through my head before I fell asleep. Once I was asleep though, the whole scenario would change. I would still grab her perfectly manicured hand, with natural nails because she is a nurse, but I would pull her body against mine. Upon the feel of her shorter, slightly more curvy body against mine, I would feel her take a deep breath as she tilted her head back and met my eyes, again wide with surprise. I would smile with an almost sinister smile on my face as I’d feel the swell of her breasts meet the bottom of mine when she inhales. Even in my dream, I could feel myself becoming turned on. I’d feel confidence I didn’t usually have as we stood body to body in front of the vending machines, with no one else around. Slowly but surely, I’d wrap her ponytail around my hand and support the back of her head in my hand as I bend down to meet her mouth. Initially Kam seems stunned and doesn’t respond, but in a matter of seconds she is kissing me back passionately. Then I feel her wrap her hand in my scrub jacket and try to pull me closer. At the same time her plump, full lips open and her tongue searches for mine as I tentatively meet hers and we begin to war for dominance. I pull back, look in her eyes, and don’t allow her mouth to chase mine because of the hold on her ponytail. As if the trance is broken, she looks side to side and seems startled, so I release her. This is where I wake up. I wake up and wish I could go back to sleep. Go back to the dream that is so much better than anything I’ve ever had in real life. No matter how hard or how long I try, I cannot get back into the dream to find out how it ends. Does she leave me, upset that I would be so bold in public? Or does she push me into a closet and continue the intimacy? Or, better yet, do I give her my address and we meet when she finishes work to pick up where we left off? Of course there are about one hundred other scenarios that run through my head too as I fixate in my sleepless state about what might come next. The week continues like this until Friday night, when I decide I need a decent night’s sleep. In desperation, I take some Tylenol PM before I lay down. Usually I’m so worn out I don’t need to take a sleep aid, but tonight, I know without it, I’ll never get to sleep. I’m not a drinker, even though I am 21, so benadryl it is. Of course the acetaminophen that helps my aching feet doesn’t hurt either. It was a hectic night at work. It’s too early for the flu season, but several people were having some serious GI issues

that made for a long evening and lots of discomfort for them. It’s always hard seeing people you care about uncomfortable. I just Hope by the time I return on Tuesday night, that everyone is improving and it hasn’t spread to anyone else. Even after attempting to study for 30 minutes, I toss and turn for almost an hour before I finally fall asleep. It’s amazing what a little Tylenol PM will do. The dream starts out the same. I pull Kam flush against me, I feel her breasts brush mine as she inhaled with surprise. I slowly wrap her braided ponytail in my hand and consume her mouth. Seconds later our tongues are dueling and I cannot get enough of her. I still pull back to meet her eyes and she looks side to side. Instead of waking up this time though, Kam went up on her tiptoes, grabs each side of my face with her hands, and takes my mouth again before pushing me back against the vending machine with a “clunk.” This make out session goes on until we flash onto a large bed in what appears to be a well adorned bedroom. Judging by all the pink, I’m assuming it’s a female bedroom, but one never knows in a dream world. The large four poster bed has satin sheets and a satin comforter with four pillows across the top of the bed. Kamron is laying her head on one of the center, bright, almost fluorescent pink pillowcases. I’m laying half on the bed and half on top of Kam with my hand under the edge of her tee shirt. Strange, because even in my dream I realize I’ve never seen her in anything but scrubs. Doesn’t seem to matter though because she is wearing a black tee shirt with a rainbow on the front. Is this the Universe’s way of telling me I read her tattoo correctly and Kam is indeed gay? Unintentionally I’ve been second guessing myself all week. We stop kissing and I pull her shirt over her head, revealing a beautiful, lacy dark pink bra. With my index finger, without hesitating, I run my finger from one swell to the other and then down to take turns rubbing each nipple through her bra. I can smell a fresh, clean scent that must be Kam, and it ignites my passion like I’ve never felt before. I can feel myself getting wet between my legs. This never happened with my boyfriends. I remember always thinking there was something wrong with me because I didn’t want to be touched. Yet, I could watch a softball game, and certain players would turn me on. I never acted on my urges, but I realized then that I was attracted to women and not men. After I met Gwyn and her parents, I began to wonder if being homosexual was a sin like they said it is. It’s been fairly easy to this point to just ignore those feelings because college and work are so demanding. I rarely have free time. On the rare occasion I have free time, it’s usually spent with family. So the dream continues with me releasing the front clasp on her fancy bra and looking appreciatively as my mouth begins to water for a taste. Tentatively I lick one nipple before lightly sucking it into my mouth. I can feel the nipple pebble even more as I suck on it. Kam arches her back, rubbing herself against me, wrapping her free leg around my hip and thigh. I’ve never experienced anything like this and I never want to wake up from this dream. Of course all good things must come to an end. As I begin to unbutton her jeans, kiss down her abdomen, and find out if her underwear match her bra, I am woken up by a knock on my bedroom door. Initially I incorporated the “knock, knock, knock,” into my dream and I was scrambling to find Kamron’s shirt back. When the “knock, knock, knock,” happened again, I realized it wasn’t in my dream, but in real life.